Navigating The Uncertainty of a Fertility Journey

If you’re someone who likes a well-crafted plan, who thrives on structure and certainty—then trying to conceive might feel like an emotional ambush.

I’ve been there too. That monthly emotional rollercoaster of hope, anticipation, anxiety, disappointment, grief, and guilt. It’s exhausting, confusing, and often deeply isolating. Especially when you’re doing all the right things and it’s still not happening.

If you’re feeling like you’ve lost your groove or questioning your sense of self, please know: you’re not alone. And you’re not going crazy—your nervous system is just trying to keep you safe in a situation that feels wildly unpredictable.

Let’s rewind for a moment.

Maybe you and your partner made the beautiful decision to start a family. You stopped contraception, started prenatals, and dreamed of a positive test. You might have shared your plans with a close friend, or kept it as your sweet secret for now. Sex feels fun, purposeful, exciting...

Until a few months pass and nothing has changed.

You were taught that pregnancy follows unprotected sex—so naturally, you start questioning yourself. “Am I doing something wrong?” “Is there something wrong with me?” You consult Dr. Google, download the ovulation app, track temperatures, buy test kits, and start ‘baby dancing’ on cue—legs in the air, hips elevated, manifesting hard.

Then your period arrives. Again.

The vision of announcing your pregnancy by Christmas is crushed. You hold back tears at work. And in an attempt to reclaim some control, you overhaul your entire life: no alcohol, stricter diet, supplements galore, appointments with doctors and practitioners. Your vocabulary now includes all the TTC acronyms.

And yet, month after month… nothing.

Sex becomes a chore. Life goes on hold “just in case.” Holidays are skipped. Work starts to feel meaningless. You pull back from friends. Resentment and jealousy creep in. You whisper things like, “Will I ever be happy without a baby?”

Is this sounding familiar?

I want you to know that it's not your fault.

We live in a culture that glorifies effort and outcome—work harder, push through, don’t quit. But fertility is not a test of your willpower. It’s not a reward for being “perfect.” Conception arises from softness, surrender, trust, and flow—not control, restriction, or desperation.

Fertility is one of our most sacred feminine expressions of creativity and life-force energy. When we try to micromanage it into submission, we move further away from that natural alignment and deeper into stress, disconnection, and self-blame.

So what can you do when everything feels out of your hands?

Here are a few soul-nourishing ways to reclaim your sense of self and steadiness—even when the journey is uncertain:

Gentle Ways to Regain a Sense of Control:

1. Compassion first. You’re doing the best you can in a very hard moment. Prioritise self-care that truly nourishes your nervous system—rest, support, time in nature, gentle movement, and kindness to yourself.
   

2. Explore your beliefs. Ask yourself: What do I believe this struggle says about me? Are those beliefs really true? Often, unhelpful thoughts come from outdated stories. If it’s hard to shift them on your own, a therapist or fertility coach can help untangle them.
   

3. Audit your efforts. Write down everything you’re doing to conceive. Then ask: Does this bring me joy or stress? Choose to release the things that feel heavy, even if “everyone else is doing it.”
   

4. Live your life anyway. Don’t keep delaying happiness. Book the trip. Go for the new job. Move house. If you fall pregnant along the way, you’ll make it work. (You always do.)
   

5. Channel your creativity. Fertility is creative energy. Can you start a project that lights you up and gives you purpose beyond baby-making?
   

6. Shift your scenery. When emotions run high, physically change your space. Go for a walk, swim in the ocean, organise a dinner with friends. Let life back in.
   

7. Take a TTC break. A conscious pause isn’t giving up—it’s replenishing. It’s you tending to your wellbeing so you can keep going.
   

8. Book the next step. Whether that’s an appointment with a fertility specialist or a second opinion, sometimes just having a plan in place brings relief—even if you’re not ready to act on it yet.
   

To every woman in the thick of it—I see you. I honour your courage and your longing. I know how heavy the waiting can feel, and how relentless the uncertainty is.

And if you need a space to feel supported, held, and understood—by someone who’s been where you are—I’d love to walk alongside you.

You can reach out to me via this link and book an initial consultation or discovery call. Let’s help you find calm, clarity, and connection on this wild ride.